Diary: Let’s Talk About Ethics

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I’ve been staring at a blank page for a few minutes, deciding how I’ll be able to go about putting this into some words on (figurative) paper. I have this … idea … in my head; it’s more of a swirling collection of disjointed thoughts and little flecks of guilt combined with some aspects of logic, but in the end, I think everything boils down to one question.

Actually, it’s more than one question — it’s a hell of a lot more than one question (that implies that there’s a single answer) — but for the sake of argument, let’s say that it’s this:

Am I ethical? And if I am, then why am I making such stupid decisions?

Without getting into too much detail, over the past week, I’ve ruined someone’s life (this is most definitely not hyperbole), sent two people I care deeply about into a twisted triangle of a scene lifted straight from a mediocre sitcom, and did something illegal.

(Before anyone tells me underage drinking is okay, I used to do that, like, all the time. And besides, I’m 21 now.) (No, I don’t smoke weed.)

I feel like there’s a lot of things beginning to spiral out of my control. This sentiment is not made better by the disgusting fact that I have a twenty-page paper to write and instead, I’m sitting at home writing in my blog!

I’m tired. Just … tired, and angry at myself over the fact that I’ve probably made some very irredeemable decisions and made some people very sad somewhere.

Am I a good person? Am I a person which someone will be able to respect, to love, to trust? Because if the past week has been any bloody indication, I should be locked up in a psychotic ward and cut off to the rest of the population.

Especially people I care about.

One response to “Diary: Let’s Talk About Ethics

  1. The fact you’re wondering about ethics reveals that you probably have some sort of moral code and that you’re failing to meet that code. If there is a standard to be a moral upright person, do you meet it? Anyone who has lived long enough to become an adult knows he has made decisions that have irrecoverably negatively affected someone’s life and it’s highly unlikely you will ever receive full forgiveness from . Are you going to be able to assert yourself as a good person in front of the people you’ve hurt above? Can you earnestly call yourself a good person?
    Betting the answer is no.

    Now what do you do from here? Do you change your perspective and make morality more of a continuum and try to make up for your mistakes somehow (like living a life dedicated to leave more smiles than tears sort of thing)? Do you seek the people you’ve hurt and do Everything you can to make things better? Do you instead try to forgive yourself for making those mistakes and try to move on from there? Do you seek God and ask him to punish you for what you’ve done in atonement? Do you ask God for forgiveness through repentance? Do you just do nothing and live life not thinking about it? What will you do?
    But also ask yourself, do you have the right to do it?

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